2.1 How to Depolarize a Cyclops

Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?
—Abraham Lincoln

“This guy, sitting in my car, was an Exalted Cyclops.” Daryl Davis was explaining on National Public Radio why he talks to the Ku Klux Klan. Davis continued: “He made the statement, which I’d heard before, ‘Well, we all know that all Black people have within them a gene that makes them violent.’ I turned to him and I’m driving and I said, ‘Wait a minute. I’m as Black as anybody you’ve ever seen. I have never done a carjacking or a drive-by, how do you explain that?’ He didn’t even pause to think about it. He said, ‘Your gene is latent. It hasn’t come out yet.’”

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Time out. What’s an Exalted Cyclops got to do with defeating Trump? As I will argue throughout this book, polarization usually comes from people getting deceived and sucked in. So to become depolarized, a person needs to first realize they’ve been trapped. But what can we do to get our adversaries, who have been sucked in, to realize their mistake?

The first step is to check our own polarization. When we are depolarized, rather than view our “enemy” as evil, we can instead view them as “well-intentioned” but sucked into a trap. That changes everything. We can stop hating them.

Many have trouble understanding that if someone does something awful, they still may not be evil. So remember, FDR put 110,000 innocent Japanese in concentration camps for three years, and LBJ escalated the Vietnam war, killing hundreds of thousands. Both did something awful, but they were not evil. People are easily deceived about what is right, but few are truly evil.

Not feeling hated and condemned, they no longer need the protection of hating us, making it easier for them to depolarize.

This may sound like some abstract theory that could only work under the best of circumstances. To prove otherwise, I need an example of how it can work repeatedly under the worst of circumstances. So how about depolarizing an Exalted Cyclops of the Ku Klux Klan and then repeatedly depolarizing Klan members? That should be proof enough.

Daryl Davis, a Black musician who played piano for Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, and B.B. King, has made it his mission to meet Klansmen and then change their minds. Yes, he dramatically reduced the polarization of an Exalted Cyclops, as well as many more Klansmen, by viewing them as “well-intentioned but sucked in” and acting on that basis.

[Image: Daryl and the Cyclops]

Back to Daryl and the Cyclops. “He’s sitting over here all smug and secure, like ‘See, you have no response.’ And I thought about it for a minute. I said, ‘Well, we all know that all White people have a gene within them that makes them serial killers.’ He says, ’What do you mean?’ And I said, ‘Well, name me three Black serial killers.’ He thought about it—he could not do it. I said Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer, Charles Manson, John Wayne Gacy. All Whites. Then I said, ‘Son, you are a serial killer.’”

“He says ‘Daryl, I’ve never killed anybody.’ I said, ‘Your gene is latent. It hasn’t come out yet.’ He goes, ‘Well, that’s stupid!’ I said, ‘Well, duh. Yes, but you know what …’ Then he got very, very quiet and changed the subject. Five months later, based on that conversation, he left the Klan. His robe was the first [Klan] robe I ever got.” Davis is the subject of a 2016 documentary, Accidental Courtesy. He’s been collecting Klan robes for 30 years now.

How Davis Depolarizes Klansmen

To depolarize the Klansmen, Daryl Davis first depolarized himself, or perhaps he just never was very polarized on racism. That’s the secret to depolarizing others—first, we need to depolarize ourselves. That inevitably changes how we treat our adversaries.

What does it mean that Daryl Davis is depolarized on racial issues? Of course, he still detests racism and works against it far more than most people do. He knows the Klan is ignorant, ridiculous and racist. He knows the Klan’s history better than almost anyone and hates what they’ve done and sometimes still do. He has been afraid for his own safety.

Being depolarized means he sees Klansmen as his “fellow countrymen,” and believes that, in a certain light, they are not evil. I will define that carefully and then explain why not being polarized himself lets him do some amazing things—he’s probably convinced more than 100, directly or indirectly, to leave the Klan and has more than 24 robes to show for it.

I am not saying anyone else should try collecting KKK hoods and robes. Daryl Davis is extraordinary. But his success proves that being depolarized can open the door to depolarizing others. For an Exalted Cyclops to hand over his hood and robes to a Black man takes an enormous change of mind and heart.

Pointers and opportunities for actually talking to the other side in a way that depolarizes can be found at howtotalkpolitics.com and from organizations they link to. Also, watch ‘The Best of Enemies.’

What Are “Good Intentions”?

Before explaining how to self-depolarize, one paradoxical but crucial concept needs careful review—“good intentions.” That term comes in several variations: “good intentions,” “well-intentioned” and “well-meaning.” In any of these cases, it helps to keep this proverb in mind:

The road to hell is paved with “good intentions.”

In that proverb, and as it is typically used, “good intentions” means that the person with the intentions believes his or her intentions serve some greater good and are not merely selfish. This is what I will always mean (unless I indicate otherwise). It’s unfortunate, of course, that people can be so wrong—but that’s why the proverb is so well known and helpful.

For example, studies show that, in accordance with this proverb, most suicide bombers have “good intentions.” You don’t blow yourself up because you are selfish. Some suicide bombers are convinced they will be rewarded in heaven because they are doing something that’s actually good. They are not just selfishly trying to get into heaven by fooling God.

They really do have “good intentions,” as that term is commonly used, but those intentions really are “paving the road to hell.” That’s exactly what the proverb is warning us about.

Some people’s intentions, however, really are purely selfish, so they should be called bad, evil or selfish intentions.

This may seem obvious but it can still sound confusing because we use both “good” and “evil” to describe two very different things: “intentions” and “actions.” (I include taking political positions as a kind of action.) Here are the four possibilities:

“Good intentions” can lead to evil actions—or good actions.
“Evil intentions” can lead to evil actions—or good actions.

That last possibility, evil intentions leading to good actions, is pretty unusual but every once in a while, someone intends to shoot the good guy (so to speak) and hits the bad guy instead. Anything is possible.

The first possibility, “good intentions” leading to evil actions, sounds just as strange, but it’s not unusual and the proverb is a helpful reminder of that. To be clear, when I use “good intentions” (in quotes) I will always mean that the person with the intentions believes their intentions are good and not selfish—even if the actions they lead to are horrible.

Escaping Polarization

Here’s a key rule for depolarizing ourselves that uses this concept of “good intentions”:

To depolarize: Assume that most people we disagree with have “good intentions” and have just been sucked in by a trap; they are not evil or stupid. They have been deceived.

Making this assumption may sound difficult or illogical, so let me point out why it’s a bit easier than it might appear to be. First, this approach only asks you to “assume” they are just sucked in. It’s like assuming someone is innocent until proven guilty. It does not mean we can’t look for more evidence.

Second, we get to see them as “sucked in,” so we can still feel a bit superior. (Perhaps that’s not so nice, and we may be wrong ourselves. But there’s no use pretending we’re angels.)

When we depolarize, we still get to think our opponent is dead wrong. That should be good enough. There’s no need to think they are evil or stupid unless we really know that to be true.

Can the Answer Be So Simple?

Polarization comes at us from many directions—racism, sexism, religion, healthcare, welfare, foreign policy and so on. So how can there be one simple answer? Recall the two kinds of polarization from Chapter 1: issue polarization and emotional polarization. It’s the emotional one that is amplified in vicious circles and becomes so dangerous. The escape strategy only works for emotional polarization, which always has the same conclusion: they’re evil. It does not need to address issues. That’s why it can be simple.

Conclusion

Emotional polarization is seeing your opponents as evil or genuinely stupid. But if they have been caught by a trap, which is quite likely, then they probably have “good intentions.” They may be ignorant or bamboozled, but they’re not evil.